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The Feeling Underneath

Many people suffer with the tendency to apologize all the time, chronically, for everything. On the one hand, apologizing is a social convention that keeps interactions between people polite, and in that way it can be very helpful. On the other hand, if we find ourselves apologizing for everything, it might be time to look at why we feel compelled to say "I'm sorry" so often. Ultimately, saying you're sorry is saying that you are responsible for something that has gone wrong in the situation. Whether it's negotiating a parking spot, moving through the aisles of the supermarket, or reaching for what you want, there are times when sorry is the right thing to say. But there are other times when "excuse me" is more accurate.

Sometimes saying you're sorry is like saying that the other person in the equation has more of a right to be here than you do. Of course, it's true that using the word sorry can simply be an innocuous way of defusing tension. However, if you find that you say sorry all the time, you might want to look a little deeper and see where in your psyche that might be coming from. If it's a pattern, breaking it may simply take some awareness and practice.

The first step is observing yourself each time you say it, without being hard on yourself about it. Throughout your day simply notice when you apologize. At first, you might be surprised to see that you do it even more than you first realized. After a day or two of simply observing, try to tune in to what it is you are feeling right before you say it. You might be feeling threatened, embarrassed, intensely anxious, or a variety of other feelings. Over time, try to stop yourself before the words come out and just be with the feeling that's there. You may recognize it as one from your childhood, one that's been with you for a long time. The more you are able to see it, the freer you will be not to be sorry all the time.


11 Ways To Make This Year Your BEST...

Today is a wonderful time to take stock and reflect on the year gone by, the triumphs you achieved, the time you shared with family and friends, the good choices you made in business. But in order to grow and develop both personally and professionally, you also have to look back at and acknowledge the things that challenged you, the things that did not go so well.

 

There is nothing wrong with setbacks, in fact, I believe that if we don't have obstacles to overcome along the way we won't learn and grow. Thomas Watson, the founder of IBM, once said, "If you want to increase your rate of success, you better be prepared to increase your rate of failure."

 

We all have hopes and dreams for the future. Today the slate is wiped clean for all of us as we start afresh. Why not take a few moments to think about your dreams and goals for the year that starts today? In what areas do you want to grow? What is truly important to you? What challenges do you want to take on? Most of us don't realise what we can accomplish when we unleash the hidden talents that we possess.

 

To help you make this year your best ever, take a few moments to ponder these 11 suggestions:

 

1. Challenge yourself

Have a clear vision and focus of what you want to achieve and set a time frame. Challenge yourself to be the best you can be at all times. Visualise what you want to accomplish. See it in your mind. Write down your goals, have a plan of action, and never doubt you will be successful.

 

2. Find the love factor

Surround yourself with loving, supportive people. Stay away from the dream stealers, the people who would bring you down. Cherish the special people in your life and let them know you cherish them.

 

3. Dedicate quality time

Life is so precious; make the most of each and every day. Rise early, spend some quality time by yourself as well as with those you care about. Go for a walk, workout, read a book. Value not only the time you spend with your loved ones, but also the time you spend by yourself.

 

4. Stretch your comfort zone

Do at least one thing a day, which makes you feel uncomfortable. Push yourself; you will be amazed how far you can go. Remember: on the other side of fear is freedom.. To remain stagnant is not to grow. To reach your full potential, you must rise above the fray and soar like an eagle.

 

5. Be passionate

Show passion in everything you do. Let it show in your body language, in your smile, in your voice. Let your eyes sparkle. Let the world see and hear your enthusiasm and let it feel your passion.

 

6. Serve others

Be a role model and mentor for people. Volunteer in your community and help others achieve their goals. Your world will be enriched and a better place for sharing your talents and giving freely of your time. Leave a lasting legacy.

 

7. Don't sweat the small stuff

Let go of the little things you can't control. Don't take yourself so seriously. Recognise that perfection isn't always the only option. Don't let life's imperfections bother you. Lighten up and see the funny side of things when they go wrong, the learning in them. Be tolerant, smile...don' t waste your energies on the small stuff, you have much bigger fish to fry.

 

8. Live with integrity

Always be true to yourself. Take pride in whatever you do. Be proud of who you are and what you represent. Accept others with all their flaws. Show compassion and goodwill to your fellow human beings. Be dignified. Lead a life of purpose and be proud of your values.

 

9. Show gratitude

Show gratitude and say thank-you to the people who have helped you along the way. Send a handwritten letter to someone who has touched you. Call up a friend or loved one and tell them how much they mean to you. Compliment a colleague or business associate on a job well done. Show people you appreciate and care about them. Acts of kindness cost nothing but mean everything.

 

10. Celebrate success

Be proud of your achievements. Take time to recognise yourself and others for even the small successes. But also be humble and dignified, sensitive to people who are not as fortunate as you.

 

11. Exude a positive attitude

I cannot express enough the importance of having a positive attitude and believing in yourself. Yes, you can be well intentioned, you can be determined, but without a positive attitude about yourself and about life, you will not succeed. Dreams will die, goals will fade, and gloom and darkness will replace clear blue skies and sunshine in your mind and heart.

 

Remember people will sometimes forget what you say to them or do for them, but they will never forget how you made them feel in their hearts. Make yourself a commitment for this year not only to have the best year ever, but to help others that you care about accomplish this goal as well.

 

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