My Letter To God

My Letter To God

Dear Father,
How was Your day today? Was it filled with joy, laughter,
and praise? Or were Your eyes filled with tears as You
looked down upon Your children and saw what they had
done with the home You created for them, and from what they
have become? I know Your heart must ache and break when  You see how sinful this world has become.

For me, I know I have caused You heartache over the years. I have not stayed on the narrow path and walked by Your side like I should. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and most of them are due to the fact I did not come to You first to ask for Your guidance, I just acted on impulse. My impulse has caused me years of pain and sorrow. My heart sometimes aches for my own children because of some of the choices I have made. I feel I could have been a better mom by making different decisions and going down a different path. Many many times I have felt worthless and useless. I have wondered why I chose to exist any longer if all I could do was fail.

Since I was 16, I searched out love. I guess this is why I got married at such a young age of 17. When that failed, I searched out love again. I thought I had found the unconditional love I was searching for 2 times. Well, it is 29 years later and I am alone. All I ever wanted was for a man to love me and respect me for who I am and he would get that in return. It seemed like I put 100% into the relationship and I would be lucky after a period of time to get 40% of that in return. When it failed, I always just walked away not quite the same person I was when I entered into it.  Now, my kids are doing ok. My oldest Mike, as you know, has a wonderful family of his own and he has finally grown up enough to stick with a job and is doing well. Mark, who just turned 27, is living on his own and is doing great. Linda, well, I have put her in Your care because I could not do anything more with her, and she needs Your guidance. But I still talk to her and father you know i love her so much

I know you will help her find her way back to you

Father touch her heart and soul.

I am sorry for not realizing I have always had that unconditional love, from You. When You should have turned Your back on me and given up, You just stood back and waited for me to get done screwing up my life, and come back to You. I have felt so ashamed coming back to You over and over again after my life turns to dirt. But the loving Father you are, You always have Your arms outstretched for me. You feel my soul and heart with warmth to let me know You are with me. I am so sorry if I have caused you grief and sorrow. I feel each time one of Your children messes up, You are being sacrificed all over again. With You Father, a lot of times I have given the 40% love and respect to You, but You've always given me the 100% love in return, even after my failures.

Most of the time we are so wound up in our lives and what is going on around us, we forget that You are there right beside us, seeing us through it all. You never leave our side. Life at times can seem so cold, dark, and unforgiving. But we have to remember You are right there with us during those dark times as well as in the good times. We forget that, and that is when we go into despair, and feel all is lost. We feel we are alone, and no one cares if we live or die. Oh, Father, I know You care if your children live or die. You may not agree or approve of what Your children do, but You still love them. You cannot promise everyone will go to heaven. You are a good and fair God, but You also expect Your children to obey Your commandments and do what is right. Like Your Word says, You did not make hell for us, but for Satan and his angels. It is our choice if we go there. In Your Word, You tells us how to make heaven our home. If we choose to take bits and pieces of Your Word to conform to how we want to live our life, to make it feel "right" to us, resulting in a eternal life in hell, that is our fault.

Satan is working overtime to put a veil over Your children's eyes, keeping them from seeing that what they doing with their life is going to send them to hell. I do not judge people, that is for You to do, but I know what Your Word says, and I know what is right and wrong, and we as Christians have a responsibility to let people we come across know what it says in Your Word. If they choose to turn their backs to it, there is nothing more we can do. I pray I can be a testimony for You, to others. I pray Your children open their eyes and see what is going on in the world around them, seeing the signs of your soon Coming.

I want to thank you heavenly Father for never deserting me. I want to thank You for always being there for me no matter what I have done. I know I have tried Your patience time and time again. I know what a loving Father You are. I know when I am on my knees before You, I can feel the peace wash over my soul. I thank you for my parents and my family.  I have put my entire life into Your hands. I am no longer going to try to live life on my own without You. It has taken me many years to finally come to the conclusion, I CANNOT live life without You guiding me and holding my hand. I don't want to live life any longer without You holding my hand.
I thank You for dying on the cross for me. I thank You for rising on the third day. I thank you for Your mercy and grace. I thank You for being alive now in my life.

My purpose in life now is to make heaven my home. I long to see Your face dear Jesus. I long for home. I long to be with You, praising You, for eternity.

Thank You for forgiving me of my sins.

I love you with all of my heart and soul.

Love,
Your Child

 

Break ke baad

Along-term live-in relationship ending is like a divorce without you having to sign any dotted line. The implications can be just as heavy. Yes, it's the end of the world at the beginning, but we're showing you the way to dawn.

Interior Design

As clich as it may sound, re-arrange the furniture. It's time for a new beginning. So get any bric-a-brac that was his separate from what is yours. Don't get tacky or cheap. If there is a painting he really likes (unless it's a Tyeb Mehta), let go. If you want the fridge that he bought, put it across lightly (this is provided the break up is good). With very bad breakups, it's best to keep what's yours and let go of what you'll never see again, including him.

Box it in

Remember that women are more domestically inclined than men. Men are happy to pack their checked shirts and denims and leave. But they'll leave behind their socks, or their bills (you were mothering the loser, weren't you?), a whole load of stuff that they may not value. Now when making that little memory box, remember to curate stuff that really matters. Plus, time is crucial. You don't want to spend a whole month doing this. It should be done with the clinical precision of a mover-and-packer firm. Seal it, and put it up there in the maala. Remember that it's very very petty to burn or destroy reminders. Five years down the road you'll be laughing at this phase. And sometimes, it's good to go back.

Respect

This is true for anybody. But emotional lot that we Indians are, try and keep at least an iota of respect for a relationship you once had. Yes, it's over, and yes, you might have fallen out badly. But don't cheapen the essence of what once was. There are common friends involved (more on that later), there is family involved, there is the many years you spent together, and not all of it was bad. Meditation (or even a shrink) would help. At the same time, jumping onto the Prozac bandwagon means more pills are to follow. So until very distraught, do not push the pill button, yet.

Family

With his family, keep a distance. Remember that at the end of the day, they are going to side with their own blood. And while things are cordial, the weekly lunch with his sister, or the yoga class with his mother might have to stop. They might want to keep in touch with you for formality's sake, and so should you. But a rift is inevitable. So go with the flow: away. It's time to say goodbye.

Friends

With common friends, it's very different from family. Remember that you are an individual, and so are the common friends you both shared. Don't give up on these. If one of his closest friends is choosing to stay in touch with you, it's because they value you. Don't hurt anybody in the process. Try and not discuss the relationship (but you know you will). And over time, it'll become a former issue. You'll perhaps even laugh about how you were a doormat at a stage, but for this point to come, you'll have to work beyond.

The Sex Trap

You've broken up. But every now and then, when he wants to unwind his emotions, he drops in. And then you have sex. You know what — this is not something that is going to improve your chances of getting back to the relationship (even if you think it will).             You're steadily becoming the easy lay he can do with. Don't freak out. Just remember that men's approach to sex is very different from women. So no casual sex ever if it's over. It's over with a capital O. Keep it that way.

No one night stands, when it's convenient for him. It'll ruin your mental happiness, and your self-esteem. Sex is a closed door. Find your kinks from elsewhere.

Send out the Message

Hang out with friends, go out to new parties. Yes, it might seem like a new teenage, but who has the privilege these days to enjoy Teenage Part II: an adolescent sequel, especially in your late 20s or 30s?

Use the breakup to indulge yourself (without becoming an alcoholic, or a junkie). Host a house party for friends. Don't make this a habit though.  Get back to reading, and immediately sign up with a DVD library near you – it's Danielle Steele time yet again.. Until Tomorrow Comes…